I see time is passing me by, every second precious than the last one. Slowly drowning in what I presume to be misery yet its not what my heart aches after. I lay on my pillow heart beating uncontrollably; drops of tears land on these cushy pillows, shh I tell my soul don’t let the world hear or even smell your deepest fears.
I am at my lowest yet I add a little smile on my salty teared face. No one seems to be making that effort lately.
Making me smile is the last resort the world has for me, so I have learned to add a little something on my sadness, if I don’t pull myself through who will? a wise friend of mine told me “you are what you think” so I close my eyes and imagine me being a queen; eyes closed I imagine me conquering and thriving through every obstacles laid up on my path.
In a place where the world is my play ground with less fears (giggles). No one would understand this part; in reality I am consumed by my own fears caused by insecurities which I suspect I picked up from the past.
But in my perfect world fear does not exist, I fear no failure for I know with every fear is a lesson learned and I am slowly brought closer to my destiny.
Ohh how I yearn for this perfect world, no expectations or fear of disappointments; living the life God had designed for me. Wouldn’t that be perfect!!! No more over thinking before taking the step. How I cry out for a world where words just ooze out for my brain painting that perfect picture in my heart.
“Add a little spice in your life”, I hear them say; what is there to add in this overly seasoned life; there is just too much of everything….sigh
What is evident is the zeal and strength to go on within me, words seem to comfort me when none can, words seem to add a little joy when all passion has died out, in a dry and overly ambitious world; words have brought me to a stand still, got me back to focus on what is reality and what is not.
“Add a little hope and pack courage to accompany you on this long journey ahead”, my heart tells me so I dry out my eyes and slowly open them; realising that not all is lost. There is still hope of tomorrow; as long as I still have words to scribble down on a piece of paper I can face all my fears.
Reality is there is no perfect world, all we have is now, today; and what we make of it is our choice. So I choose to add a little pace to my steps, add a little gratitude on my prayer, add a little smile on my skew teeth (blast out in laughter), add a little joy in my heart after all who said this journey will be easy.
Add a little something in your life every day, it ain’t always easy but it is always worth it